The short answer is Yes. The long answer is – well, that depends on a lot of things. Let’s talk. So you’ve managed to sign the final decree and have started moving on with your life. At first, it’s actually kind of exciting! And then the emotions start and you’ll undoubtedly find yourself on a roller coaster reminiscent of your adolescent puberty ride.
Don’t worry, you’re not only normal, you’re going through the process in a healthy way. If you or your ex appears to be unaffected by the divorce, beware of emotional backlash down the road. The emotions of divorce can be resolved in one way and only one way – going THROUGH them. You can’t stuff them down and hope they go away. They won’t. So allow yourself to feel everything. Bless it and let it go.
And just when you think you are starting to feel better, you have to figure out a new relationship with your ex. If you have children together, just know and accept that you must have a relationship forever. I know, I know, you thought you were divorcing but if you have kids, you are connected for life. Your kids NEED you to be polite to each other and continue to co-parent. My ex, unfortunately, has chosen not to do that and I’ve witnessed firsthand the negative impact to my children. It’s not pretty and I’m sure they have years of therapy in their futures. I’m thinking of starting therapy funds for them instead of college funds. “Sorry honey, there’s no money for college but I’d like you to meet with a friend of mine….” Sigh….
So ANYWAY, your ex. Ok, so you decided that you found it impossible to live together, did you REALLY think that some magical thing would happen after divorce that would make it easier to communicate? Really? As Dr. Phil would say, “GET REAL!” I promise you that if you had communication problems before, they will not only continue, they may even get worse. The key to communication with your ex is really quite simple, let go of expectations. ALL OF THEM! Do not need, want, demand, or expect ANYTHING from your ex. Trust me, you’ll be much better off. Take the high road at every corner. Do and say what you KNOW is the right thing for your kids and let the rest go. If you don’t know the Serenity Prayer yet, now’s the time to learn it. Repeat regularly and often!! Treat your ex exactly the way he/she would treat you and you may discover the real miracle – he just might start doing it! But don’t get your hopes up. Remember, no expectations. When you stop needing him/her to act in a certain way, you will truly find your personal freedom. And most importantly, your children will thrive.
Good luck and share with me your experiences. I’d love to hear how you’re doing in your situation. Contact our team for a free consultation.
