What Are Your Kids Learning From You During Your Divorce?
Caught In The Middle
Sandy was 5 when she remembers the first screaming match, “never felt like my parents were a unit, they acted separately often.” While she knew something was up, she is thankful she was so young. There was never a time where she had to rationalize and understand why her parents were divorcing. It just was.
Her parents separated during the recession, money was a huge concern and the main reason why her parents fought. She learned after her parents had separated, they tried to date. Because money was one of their big issues, after they separated that stress went down. But they still had differences and as Sandy believes, are better as individuals.
Children Learn What They See
Sandy feels as though her parents loaded too much of their money anxiety on to her. Both parents rarely saw eye-to-eye, their differences in money would just confuse Sandy. Conversations around money were guilt based. Instead of objectively explaining that toys and trips cost money, they would tell her “we’ll lose the house, there isn’t enough money month to month.” When conflict would spiral, Sandy would shut down and not respond. “This plagues me in my relationships to this day, and it takes conscious effort to communicate my feelings, since I never really learned how to do so effectively/honestly.” Kids pick up our worst habits and our best ones.
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