It probably comes as no surprise that individuals who ultimately decide to divorce had their first thought about that possibility more than a year before it actually happens and often many years! In my own case, my first marriage lasted a total of 16 years and I left him for the first time in the FIRST YEAR!!! Talk about red flags!
While I can honestly say that my children will always be a blessing to me and I will never regret having married him, I will also admit that the marriage was NEVER healthy. I just had to grow up enough to be brave enough to do something about it. And actually, for my regular blog readers, you know that I actually didn’t! Ultimately he left me!
Why does that happen? Why do we wait so long? Why do we sacrifice so much?Well, I’m not a psychologist, but God knows I’ve spent my fair share of time in front of them. Having been through it and now very healthy on the other side, I’ll share what I know for sure – Oprah style.
What I know for sure, and how you can answer this common question for yourself:
- When I said, “for better or worse” I actually meant it! I was so loyal that I was committed to work through anything. Even if it meant sacrificing myself. Not healthy.
- If your marriage is really hard work, you’re married to the wrong person.
- If you don’t like the person you are most days, you’re with the wrong person.
- If you feel bullied, controlled, ignored, or completely misunderstood, you’re with the wrong person.
- If you’re staying together for the kids, you’re hurting your kids, not helping them.
- Kids need to see a model of a healthy love relationship or they will not know how to have one.
- The right relationship is nearly effortless. I know. I have one now.
- The right mate inspires you and you want to become a better person just for them because you feel so lucky.
Food for thought.
If you’re considering divorce, I invite you to download our guide to 5 things to consider before divorce. This guide will help you understand even more common divorce questions to answer before making this decision.