DIVORCE COACHING EXPLAINED – PART 3: HELPING YOU CREATE YOUR BEST LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR DIVORCE

In last week’s blog, we explored what is possible by engaging a coach during your divorce process. Today’s post is about Post-Divorce Coaching, where we focus on helping you rebuild your life after your divorce is completed.

Post-Divorce Coaching (Creating Your New Beginning)

You have just come to an agreement on how to settle your divorce. You may be still reeling from the entire ordeal. You’ve had to make some major life decisions that affect you and your family. This can be exhausting and also feel like you’ve been engulfed in a dark night of the soul.

Even now, it’s hard to make sense of what’s going on, what is to come, and how you will survive it all. There are so many questions – most of them based on uncertainty and a fear of the unknown. “What’s going to happen to our family?” “Will my kids be OK?” “Will I be able to find a job that will adequately support me?” “How do I pick up the pieces and start my life over after it has been blown apart?”

These are all masking the deeper questions that come up when you’re quiet enough to hear them: “Who am I and what do I want?” “Will I ever feel safe to love again?” “Am I lovable?”

You are in a process of rebuilding your life after experiencing loss on many levels. You may be asking for advice from your family, your friends, anyone who will listen. However, as well-meaning as they are, you get the sense that they can’t really help you with what’s next.

What is it that you don’t want?

You don’t want to be in pain forever. You don’t want to be emotionally, financially, and socially crippled by this divorce. You don’t want to feel humiliated, sad, bitter, and angry any more. You don’t want to feel like a failure. You don’t want to lose your relationship with your kids and your family. You don’t want to go into your next relationship full of hope, but ultimately ending up here, again.

What DO you want right now?

You want to wake up on the other side of this divorce, feeling free, happy, and ready to dive into your life’s next chapter. You probably have NO IDEA how to get there from where you are.

How will you get to what you want?

You need a roadmap to take you from here to where you want to go – to consciously create the future that you deserve and your family needs. Coaching is an excellent vehicle to help you get there. A coach serves as your guide to help you clarify the vision that aligns with your dreams for the future, strategize how to take action to bring the dream into manifestation, and support you along the way.

You’re On a Hero’s Journey

Joseph Campbell was an educator and authority on the study of myths. His work was brought to the spotlight in a series of interviews with Bill Moyers called The Power of Myth. In this series, they discussed and explored the classic hero cycle, including heroic patterns in literature, film, and global mythology.

The Hero’s Journey is the path that heroes take as part of their development from immaturity and potential to the embodiment of mastery and freedom. It’s a transformational process.

Because of this divorce, you are on your own Hero’s journey, your own process of transformation. Because of this divorce, you are on your own Hero’s journey, your own process of transformation.

Here’s a rough outline of the important milestones of the Hero’s Journey of Divorce:

The End of Normal: The decision to divorce

The Call to Adventure: Considering how to dismantle the marriage in the best possible way

Supernatural Aid: Assembling your team of professional helpers – lawyer, financial planner, real estate agent, coach, therapist, etc.

The Belly of the Whale: Feeling the uncertainty of it all, being swallowed by the process

The Road of Trials/Ordeal: Going through the legal process of divorce

Meeting the Goddess: Seeking inspiration and guidance for completing the journey

The Abyss/Death & Rebirth/The Atonement: Dark night of the soul/facing harsh realities

Transformation/Apotheosis: Acceptance, letting go, forgiveness

The Boon: Experiencing Self-Love

Master of Two Worlds: Moving on

Freedom to Live: Integration the divorce into your life and seeing it as a blessing

Where are you on this path? If you are just now completing your divorce, you’re probably at the stage where you are about to enter the cave you fear to enter (the Abyss). This is where the support of a coach to help you realize that you are the hero of your story, not a helpless victim, and to help you complete the next steps in the process.

This is a time of creation, of clearing out the limitations of the past (judgments, blame, self-victimization), realizing who you truly are and who you need to be to create the life you want for yourself and your family. Coaching is the vehicle to get you there.

Practically speaking, some common areas of exploration with your coach are:

• Where do I want to live?
• What work do I want to be doing?
• Will I have enough money and other resources to support myself? (and what to do if the answer is “no.”)
• How will I co-parent with my ex in a way that supports our children?
• When will I be ready to open my heart to a new relationship?

We also look at the deeper, spiritual questions that come up after a big life transition, such as, “What is my purpose and why am I here?”

At Smarter Divorce Solutions, our approach with clients is to help them understand where their power truly comes from, help them connect to it again, start making decisions that are aligned with their truth, and begin rebuilding their lives after their divorce. It starts with recognizing that the inner process of healing is the first step.

Does this sound like something you’d like help with? Contact Smarter Divorce Solutions to schedule an appointment with our coaching team to discuss your options.