Divorce Coaching Explained – Part 2: Helping You Through a Tough Transition

In last week’s blog, we explained what coaching is – and in Part 2 and Part 3 of our series, we take a deeper dive into Divorce Coaching.

Before I get into that, let’s talk about the nature of change and transition. That divorce brings major changes goes without saying – it creates multiple changes on many fronts.

Transition is the inner experience that you go through when change occurs in your life. It’s the process of letting go of the way things were so you make room for what will come next. There are three phases of transition: Endings, the Neutral Zone, and the New Beginning. The Neutral Zone is the middle phase between what has ended and what has yet to come to take place. In this phase, your task is forming a new identity for yourself based on your values and priorities and who you want to be on the other side of this divorce. And, it’s the phase most people want to hurry through due to the feelings of uncertainty, confusion, and self-doubt that are usually part of the experience. 

Endings Are Hard

We tend to resist endings because they are so painful. The end of your marriage, whether you were the one to initiate a divorce or not, is not something you anticipated when you got married. Reaching out for support is understandable, and the kind of support you look for can make all the difference. Family and friends care about you, but may not be able to understand what you really need. Well-meaning advice from them can help, but it can also set you back, often because they lack objectivity and neutrality.

Engaging a coach is a way to get help from a neutral professional who is trained to help you gain access to your own inner resourcefulness and the solutions that are right for you. (Be sure to read last week’s blog for more information about what coaching is and how it can help you.) 

Coaching Prepares You

Pre-Divorce coaching prepares you for the rigors of the legal process, whether it is in court, mediation, or collaborative settings. By setting the course for what you want out of your divorce you can be way ahead of the curve for successfully navigating through the end of your marriage.

Here are a few questions we explore, to help you come up with YOUR OWN answers and strategies for moving forward.

• Is divorce the right choice for me and my family?
• What kind of legal process is going to get the best result?
• What decisions do I need to be making right now?
• What proposals do I want to make and why are they important to me?
• What support do I need to be self-sufficient financially?
• How am I going to show up in my best self in order to create the most successful outcome?
• What is the best way to tell the children and/or other family members?
• What do I do if my spouse is uncooperative?

Your divorce coach can help you let go of worry about the future and the judgments about the past so you have more of your attention and energy available for the tasks you need to be focusing on right now. You’ll need to make some important decisions at this time, and your coach will be your thinking partner and resource for getting what you need to choose wisely. 

Coaching Helps

Coaching during your divorce helps you manage your emotions, bring your best thinking and behaviors to the process, and get clear on your direction for your future. By being a reflective mirror, creating a safe space to explore options, and reality testing your expectations, your coach is a crucial ally to bring your best self to the legal and financial decisions that need to be made.

In addition to preparing you mentally and emotionally for the difficult conversations to take place, your coach can help you structure and organize your action steps so you can stay on purpose with practical aspects of your divorce:

• Data gathering
• Co-parenting planning
• Financial goal-setting
• Budgeting
• Designing proposals
• Career options discovery
• Education and information gathering
• Communication skills building

Another major benefit of working with a Divorce Coach before and during your divorce is that it can save you time and money. Helping you with the project management of your divorce saves you from using more of your mediator or attorney’s time. Time billed by attorneys and mediators tends to be more expensive than coaching fees. Additionally, a coach is prepared to help you through the emotional lows, something most attorneys are not trained for (or want to do). We can help you get back to your best self, so that you are able to navigate through your divorce with calm and clarity.

Is divorce coaching what you need right now? Contact Smarter Divorce Solutions to schedule an appointment with our coaching team to discuss your options. You don’t have to do this alone.

In next week’s blog, I will cover Post-Divorce Coaching and how this can help you create the life you want after your divorce is completed.