By Kelly Greene   freedom-cage1

So often after divorce we vigorously question our self-worth.  We hear all that inspirational speak about how you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.  But your broken heart doesn’t want to hear that crap. Your broken heart wants instant gratification, it wants to swipe left or right through a blur of faces and false facts. Your shattered ego wants a million bad first dates because it proves that someone, anyone, wanted you, even if just for a meet and greet.  Instead of taking those dark moments to sit in the loss and loneliness,  we fill it with tweaking our dating profile, adding more full body pics, planning the next meet and greet. Some people drag this on for years, never facing the pain, the loneliness, the self.

Although I had my stint of this online chaos, I am grateful it lasted less than a year.  I grew tired of the false hope.  I started to turn inward, I spent more time with myself and I was liking what I saw. I worked through the residual pain from my marriage. I found I enjoyed having a whole bed to myself and not having any plans on a Friday night.  I starting to really get to know ME.  With each swipe of the old I discovered the new. I discovered my complete wander lust, my spirituality, my renewed love of yoga and belly dancing.  So how do you find yourself?

  1. Figure out what you like to do: Go for a hike, bike ride, walk, cook or bake something, take some classes, join Meet Up in your area and try a sample of everything! Eventually something will ignite that spark.
  2. Schedule a date with yourself. This may be just a simple movie night at home with you, some wine and a wheel of brie. Put it on your calendar, if other plans come up decline them. You have a date- with yourself!
  3. Get lots of rest. You may have spent what felt like months laying in your bed during your divorce. But that’s not rest. Spend a whole day in your favorite sweats or PJ’s, fill your bed with books, your journal, crafts or Netflix. Do absolutely nothing. Take naps. I’ve done some of my best thinking laying in my bed staring out the window. Grant yourself this pleasure at least once a month and enjoy every single minute.  Your soul will thank you.
  4. Just say NO! Gone are those days of obligatory couples events.  You now have the freedom to do the things you want to do. If you don’t feel like going to your co worker’s step kid’s cousin’s baby shower then don’t. You don’t need to come up with elaborate excuses. Just a polite “No Thank You” will do. Honor yourself and your time.
  5. Get out in nature. Feel the earth below your feet, the wind in your hair, the sun on your face. Connect to nature and connect to yourself. There’s no better way.


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