Marriage can be tough.  And yours has been so tough lately that you’re thinking you might be headed for divorce. It’s a scary thought. But it’s also an exciting thought. Let’s face it, if you are thinking about divorce it’s because you’re pretty sure there is some greener grass that you’re missing out on. But that doesn’t make the process any easier. Change is HARD.

Even if you haven’t decided yet, there are a few things you should do to put yourself in a better place should you land on the side of divorce.

Make sure you have access to cash

It’s still common to find couples where one party controls all the financial strings. If you are that party, no problem for you but shame on you. Money needs to be a partnership. If you’re the other party, it is time to make a plan. Once the divorce becomes real, you’re extremely vulnerable. How will you hire an attorney or mediator? How will you be able to afford to move out if you plan to?

Start with a credit card in your own name. That’s step one. Second, open a bank account in your own name.  Ideally this is a discussion with your spouse about having a better balance for the two of you. If that’s not possible and there is abusive financial control going on, then open it without telling them. Even if the only way you can start your own savings account is to start getting cash back in small dollar amounts with every purchase you make and depositing it into that new account.

Do not get me wrong here, I’m not advocating for dishonesty in marriage.  But financial abuse is also unacceptable.  If one party is preventing the other from accessing their financial information, that’s financial abuse and isn’t likely to change.

Do your homework

Now is the time to get educated. Download everything you can from my website, read my blogs, go to the Arizona Superior Court website and read up on the process. Know your rights!  Also, recognize what you don’t know.  This is where you have a free consultation with someone like me or a Family Law attorney that is recommended to you by friends. I do suggest you get recommendations because people have bad reputations for good reasons. You want to find the good ones.  My office can give you referrals too.

Build a support team

The next 6 months are going to be a challenge. You need people you can count on to be there. Choose your core friends that will be in that circle. Find professionals that will give you information too. Smarter Divorce Solutions is a great resource for information and for women in Arizona, the Fresh Start Women’s Foundation is a miraculous organization for divorce support. Check them out!

Get your ducks in a row and then no matter what happens, you’ll be better prepared for it. You can do this.