Should I Stay or Should I Go? Deciding to Leave a Marriage
It probably comes as no surprise that individuals who ultimately decide to divorce had their first thought about that possibility more than a year before it actually happens and often many years! In my own case, my first marriage lasted a total of 16 years and I left him for the first time in the first year!!! Talk about red flags! While I can honestly say that my children will always be a blessing to me and I will never regret having married him, I will also admit that the marriage was NEVER healthy. I just had to grow up enough to be brave enough to do something about it. And actually, for my regular blog readers, you know that I actually didn’t!
Ultimately he left me! Why does that happen? Why do we wait so long? Why do we sacrifice so much?
Well, I’m not a psychologist but God knows I’ve spent my fair share of time in front of them. Having been through it and now very healthy on the other side, I’ll share what I know for sure – Oprah style.
What I Know For Sure:
1. When I said “for better or worse” I actually meant it! I was so loyal that I was committed to work through anything. Even if it meant sacrificing myself. Not healthy.
2. If your marriage is really hard work, you’re married to the wrong person.
3. If you don’t like the person you are most days, you’re with the wrong person.
4. If you feel bullied, controlled, ignored, or completely misunderstood, you’re with the wrong person.
5. If you’re staying together for the kids, you’re hurting your kids, not helping them.
6. Kids need to see a model of a healthy love relationship or they will not know how to have one.
7. The right relationship is nearly effortless. I know. I have one now.
8. The right mate inspires you and you want to become a better person just for them because you feel so lucky.
Food for thought.
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