As a world of unknowns reveals itself in an avalanche of financial and emotional possibilities, you wonder how bad it will get. Despite the stereotypes around vindictive nasty divorces, my experience is that the vast majority of couples truly and sincerely want what’s fair for all involved.
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How To Decide What’s Fair
The problem here is that each spouse’s idea of fair is different. One party could be factoring in emotional wounding that may have happened in the marriage. The other may be weighing other perceived wrongs that demand to be righted or apologies that remain unspoken. “Fair” may reside on the peaks of two separate mountains cut deeply by a river of conflict and resentments. This is the simple truth that has created a multi-billion dollar divorce industry. I think there is a different answer.
Let go of the need for fairness. I know, sounds crazy but try this on for size. What if each party didn’t worry about what the other person was getting? What if they each sat down with a divorce financial planner and simply figured out what they need for themselves to be able to be OK? And then they sit down with a mediator and start from there?
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Make A Plan That’s Fair For All
You will need to plan for your future and figure out what it’s going to take for you to move into the next phase of your life with confidence. A Certified Divorce Financial Analysts® or CDFA® practitioner can help take out the uncertainties and get down to the black and white numbers of your financial reality.
Now that spousal maintenance is not tax deductible, creativity in property settlements can be even more valuable than before. I worked with a couple recently where I was able to show them how we could save $60,000 in taxes, $30,000 each, by strategically giving specific assets to the lower income spouse. Things just got a little more fair!
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Maybe it’s not equal. Maybe it’s not “fair”. Maybe it just works. . . For everyone involved. Now that is a win/win solution! Let it go! It doesn’t matter! Focus on the next phase of your life and what you now need to be happy. Work to find the way so you can both move on in a healthy, happy way that will preserve your family unit for the future. Be the best divorced family you can be, because you’re still a family and nothing will ever change that.
To find a CDFA professional in your area, see www.InstituteDFA.com.
