Leaving the Marriage; Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Have you been thinking about it for a while? Months? Years? Then it may be comforting to know that you are not alone. Many people that ultimately decide to divorce had their first thought about that possibility more than a year before they acted on it. And often, many years before! In my own case, my first marriage lasted a total of 16 years and I left him for the first time during the FIRST YEAR!!! Talk about red flags! While I can honestly say that my children will always be a blessing to me and I will never regret having married him, I will also admit that the marriage was NEVER healthy. I just needed to grow up enough to be brave enough to do something about it. The irony is that I actually didn’t! Ultimately, he left me!
Why does that happen? What makes us wait so long? Why do we sacrifice so much? Well, I’m not a psychologist but God knows I’ve spent my fair share of time in front of them. Having been through it and come out very healthy on the other side, I’ll share what I know for sure – Oprah style.
What I know for sure:
- When I said “for better or worse” I actually meant it! I was so loyal that I was committed to work through anything. Even if it meant sacrificing myself. That’s not healthy.
- If your marriage is really hard work, you’re married to the wrong person.
- If you don’t like the person you are most days, you’re with the wrong person.
- If you feel bullied, controlled, ignored, or completely misunderstood, you’re with the wrong person.
- If you’re staying together for the kids, you’re hurting your kids, not helping them.
- Kids need to see a model of a healthy love relationship or they will not know how to have one.
- The right relationship is nearly effortless. I know. I have one now.
- The right mate inspires you and you want to become a better person just for them because you feel so lucky.
Think about it and you may be able to reclaim some of your time. Food for thought.