Divorce Coaching Explained

In last week’s blog, Karen Dorsey wrote about the difference between Therapy and Divorce Coaching.

Today, we will explore Divorce Coaching more fully so you have a clear idea of what it is and when and how coaching can help you during any phase of your divorce.

Divorce is one of the most painful and stressful experiences a person can face in life. It brings up strong emotions and major changes to your life and the lives of your family members.

Coaching helps you approach divorce in a conscious and empowered way. Instead of focusing on the breakdowns of the past, who was to blame, and how you’ll make him/her pay for the pain you’re in, coaches help you connect to who you truly are, what it is you really want, and focus on strategizing how you will get your desired outcomes. Coaching is focused on what choices and actions you need to make NOW in order to have a brighter, happier future.

Who Is A Coach?

• A sounding board or thinking partner
• A champion for progress towards your goals
• A challenger of limiting beliefs and sabotaging thought patterns
• A facilitator of learning
• A masterful listener
• A change agent and mindset shifter

A coach is someone whose primary goal is to develop you to your fullest potential

A common inquiry is, what makes the coaching process different from therapy. In therapy, you pay for the time you spend with your therapist. In coaching you pay for the results you want to achieve at the end of your coaching engagement. Coaches partner with their clients, yet, the responsibility for the desired goals, outcomes, and direction lies fully with the client. Coaches will not tell you what you “should” do, but help you hear yourself say what it is you will do, in service to creating the life you want.

Coaching Is the Bridge

Think of yourself sitting on a river bank. The side you are on represents your current reality (which includes pain, disenchantment, dissatisfaction, difficulty, etc.). On the other side is the life you wish you were living. You can see that life across the river, but you have no idea how to get to it. You are also very aware that, if you don’t figure out how to cross the river, THIS is as good as your life is going to get. And, it might get worse.

Coaching creates the bridge between where you are now and where you want to be. It’s the boat that will take you across the river. It’s the means to an end, the vehicle that will get you from Point A to B.

Divorce coaches are trained in the following competencies and skills:

• Active listening
• Powerful questioning
• Direct communication
• Creating awareness
• Designing actions
• Planning and goal setting
• Managing progress and accountability

Really, the magic of coaching is in the partnership and the quality of presence that the coach brings. Imagine that you have the full attention of someone who is able to be with you in such a way that you feel safe, heard, validated, and respected, no matter what you are going through. Your coach holds the vision that you are capable, resourceful, and creative, even when you don’t think you are.

You are not broken and you don’t need diagnosing or fixing. You need a safe container to do your best thinking and create powerful action plans that move you forward. Coaching provides a strong container for discovery and healing.

In next week’s blog, we explore the three phases of divorce and how coaching can help you navigate through each of them.